“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”
― Ernest Hemingway
The power of non-verbal communication. No matter your situation in life and your individual aims, one of the most important tools for success is your personal charisma.
Charisma allows you to command a room, draw others to you, and convince people of your ideas. It’s an essential part of being the kind of leader who wins devoted followers who are willing to go to the ends of the earth for you. Charismatic men are perceived as both likeable and powerful, a dynamic, irresistible combination that opens endless doors to them. Here is a video featuring 5 Habits of Exceptionally Charismatic People:
Habits of Exceptionally Charismatic People
Far from being a magical and inexplicable trait, charisma is be broken down into a set of concrete, largely nonverbal behaviors that can be learned, practiced, and made natural. Olivia Fox Cabane, author of The Charisma Myth, places these behaviors into three categories: Presence, Power, and Warmth. When deftly combined, these three components produce strong personal magnetism.
It’s incredibly easy to set yourself apart from the pack simply by being fully present with people and giving them your complete attention. When you think of charisma, you might think of trying to make yourself seem super awesome to others. But the paradoxical secret of charisma is that it’s not about trumpeting your good qualities, but making the other person feel good about himself. Real charisma makes the other person feel important. When they finish an interaction with you, they should feel better about themselves than they did before.
Focusing your mental and emotional energy on someone as you interact is how you create that feeling of importance. People fundamentally want attention – they want to be recognized and acknowledged.
Conveying presence is a simple concept, but oftentimes difficult to actually achieve. You can’t just fake it. People are surprisingly adept at deciphering your feigned interest. To truly convey presence, you must actually be present. It takes a significant amount of willpower to focus all your attention on the person you’re with at the moment. But like all things, with practice, it becomes significantly easier.
Here are some tips written by Brett & Kate McKay on developing your charismatic presence:
Bring yourself to the here and now.
Presence begins in your mind. If you feel like your mind is off somewhere else while engaging with someone, try this little exercise to bring you back to the here and now. Focus on physical sensations in your body that you often ignore. It could be your breath or it could be the sensation of your feet touching the ground. You don’t have to spend very long meditating on these sensations. Just a second or two will bring you back into the moment you’re sharing with this person.
Make sure you’re physically comfortable.
It’s hard to be fully present with someone when all you’re thinking about is how uncomfortably tight your pants are or how hot it is. To that end, do what you can to ensure you’re as comfortable as possible.
Set your devices on silent and put them out of sight.
This serves two purposes. First, it reduces the temptation for you to check them while you’re engaging with someone. Second, it sends a strong message to the person you’re with that they have your complete attention and they’re not sharing it with the smartphone placed on the table.
Look the person in the eye when they’re talking.
Numerous studies show that people who make higher levels of eye contact with others are perceived as possessing a load of desirable traits, including warmth, honesty, sincerity, competency, confidence, and emotional stability. Eye contact imparts a sense of intimacy to your exchanges, and leaves the receiver of your gaze feeling more positive about your interaction and also more connected to you.
Nod to show that you’re listening.
Besides eye contact, an easy way to convey presence is through body language, and more specifically, nodding your head. But be judicious with the noggin nods. An over abundance can indicate you’re trying too hard to please and agree with the person, which decreases their perception of your power. Also, only nod at appropriate times; you’ll need to be truly listening to know when a nod makes sense.
Ask clarifying questions.
An easy way to show someone that you’re completely there with them is to ask clarifying questions after he or she has spoken. For example, you could ask, “When you say ________, what exactly do you mean?” Another great clarifying question comes to us from Dr. Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Basically, you paraphrase what the person just said and add, “Am I understanding you correctly?” In more casual conversations, ask questions like, “What was your favorite part of that?” or “What was the hardest part of that for you?” For more info on how to ask questions that show you’re really listening, click here.
Fidgeting signals to the other person that you’re not comfortable or content and that there’s somewhere else you’d rather be. Don’t twiddle your thumbs or your phone. And avoid looking around for what else is going on, which signals to the other person that you’re searching for a better opportunity than your current one.
Listen, don’t think about how you’re going to respond.
We all have a tendency to do this. Our inner conversational narcissist wants to be ready to jump in and start talking as soon as there’s an opening. But if you’re thinking about what you’re going to say, you’re obviously not fully listening to what the other person is saying.
Wait two seconds before responding.
Breaking in the very instant a person pauses or stops talking signals to them that you were thinking about what you were going to say instead of fully listening to them. Nonverbal behaviors are more powerful than verbal ones, so use this trick. When someone has spoken see if you can let your facial expression react first, showing that you’re absorbing what they’ve just said and giving their brilliant statement the consideration it deserves. Only then, after about two seconds, do you answer.
The sequence goes like this:
- They finish their sentence
- Your face absorbs
- Your face reacts
- Then, and only then, you answer
Read the full article here>>
Want to learn how to be charismatic? Go to ScienceofPeople.com
The power of body language, likability, and the true definition of attractiveness.
Have you heard of the similarity attraction effect? Bottom line is, likability is liking people like us. Want to learn how to get people to instantly like you? Watch this video to find out.
Get People To Like You Immediately
Since it only takes seconds for someone to decide if they like you, and research shows that first impressions are very difficult to change, the pressure that comes with meeting new people is justifiably intense.
Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that being likable comes from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few—the good looking, the fiercely social, and the incredibly talented. It’s easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, being likable is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).
In a study conducted at UCLA, subjects rated over 500 adjectives based on their perceived significance to likability. The top-rated adjectives had nothing to do with being gregarious, intelligent, or attractive (innate characteristics). Instead, the top adjectives were sincerity, transparency, and capacity for understanding (another person).
These adjectives, and others like them, describe people who are skilled in the social side of emotional intelligence. TalentSmart research data from more than a million people shows that people who possess these skills aren’t just highly likable, they outperform those who don’t by a large margin.
Here’s what they do when they meet someone new:
#1 – Practice active listening.
#2 – Let the person you’re meeting speak first.
#3 – Be genuine.
#4 – Use positive body language.
#5 – Remember their name.
#6 – Put away your phone.
#7 – Make time for small talk.
#8 – Do your homework.
Read the Full Article at Forbes.com
Written By Bill Murphy Jr. – Executive editor of operations, Some Spider, and founder, ProGhostwriters.com
Henry Ford once famously said: “Whether you think that you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right.”
It’s a pithy quote (Ford was a quote machine), but now, just over 70 years after his death, a new research project funded by the National Science Foundation points to a wealth of evidence that backs him up. The NSF-funded project involved 12 psychologists and other PhDs from universities and think tanks around the country, who reviewed reports on a total of 61 other experimental studies on college students and success. Across the board, the report found, there were three main factors that foretold greater achievement across disciplines and regardless of factors like the students’ test scores or socioeconomic status.
The factors included:
1. Developing a sense of belonging.
This first factor has to do with the degree to which students believe they “belong in college, fit in well, and are socially integrated,” according to a summary that quoted one of the study’s co-authors, Fred Oswald, a professor of psychology at Rice University. Of the 61 studies involved, more than 50 found that simply feeling like they belonged in school had a positive impact on students’ grades.
2. Enabling a “growth mindset.”
Regular readers of this column will know that we’re all about the growth mindset. Embracing the belief that intelligence is not a fixed attribute–that it can be strengthened through use, like a muscle–had a firm impact on students’ success. Of the 61 studies, 75 percent found that embracing a growth mindset improved students’ GPAs.
3. Having articulable personal goals and values.
Finally, 83 percent of the studies–by my math, that makes either 50 or 51–found that students who embraced “personal goals and values that they perceived to be directly linked to the achievement of a future, desired end” were more likely to succeed. Again, this was measured mostly by comparing the students’ GPAs.
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The Tetris Effect is an interesting psychological phenomena, which can arise from extended periods partaking in mental or physical activities.
Images on repeat
Over the last two decades, the Tetris effect has worked its way into gaming vernacular, but considering how many people play video games, it may be surprising how little the phenomenon has been studied.
“The Tetris effect is actually not well covered in scientific research,” said Karolien Poels, a researcher at the University of Antwerp. “It was in the popular media and a lot of people recognized it but there were just a couple of studies mentioning it.”
Perhaps the most famous example is a 2000 study by Harvard psychiatrist Robert Stickgold. He wanted to know why, after a day of mountain climbing, he kept having the sensation of feeling rocks under his hand when he was falling asleep at night, even when he tried thinking about something else. As Stickgold told Australia’s ABC News in an interview, this made him think there must be something going on in the brain that is producing these intrusive images. To study the phenomenon in a lab, he turned to Tetris.
He found that students who were made to play Tetris reported, quite consistently, that they saw Tetris pieces floating down in front of their eyes as they were going to sleep. Stickgold also included five amnesiacs in the experiment who could play Tetris just fine, but due to a specific brain damage, couldn’t later recall playing it. But they, too, said that they saw blocks floating or turning on their side—even though they couldn’t explain the origin of those shapes. One patient, for example, reported seeing “images that are turned on their side. I don’t know what they are from. I wish I could remember, but they are like blocks.”
This result helped narrow down the underlying mechanism behind the Tetris effect. The brain has two main memory systems: the hippocampus deep in the brain registers the explicit memories of actual life events, or episodic memories, while the cortex holds onto implicit memories—the stuff we learn but don’t necessarily have conscious access to. The amnesiacs had damage to their hippocampus, so their Tetris dreaming suggested the effect doesn’t rely on the explicit memory system, and that unbeknownst to the patients, their brains were still extracting critical information from the day’s events.
Games leaking into life
The brain goes through a nightly rehearsal of what it has learned during the day to consolidate the memories and keep the useful ones. It may be that the Tetris effect is a manifestation of this process. But it describes only one of the diverse experiences people have after spending hours playing a game.
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The 1 Lie All Millennial’s Believe (That Destroys Their Happiness)
Don’t get caught in the trap By Matthew Jones @M_tthewJones
Millennials grew up within unique circumstances. The technology that we use and take for granted today was newly developed. Things like the internet, cell phones, and email were just beginning to take off. Along with those technological advances came better marketing.
A study by Gallop found that 70 percent of Millennials are disengaged at work. None of these individuals identify with being involved in and enthusiastic about their job. And because other research studies indicate that contentment in one’s career is directly correlated with life satisfaction, it’s logical to assume that most Millennials are unhappy. Many Millennials are unhappy for one reason–they are influenced by a lie deeply embedded within American values.
The one lie all Millennials believe that keeps them unhappy is thinking that owning a material object will create a favorable effect.
Millennials have been brainwashed by advertising. In fact, one study found that up to 80 percent of students cannot tell the difference between advertising and a news story. And this is hardly their fault–the integrity of mainstream news organizations has plummeted over the years and marketing has far more tools to make impressions than it did in the past.
When people are convinced that material possessions can create positive change, they become lazy and complacent. They think that consuming more and more is the answer to all problems and uncomfortable feelings, resulting in a never-ending cycle of melancholy and mindless consumerism to temporarily assuage emotional voids.
So, what can you do?
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Written by John A. Anderson
The Rhythm of Life—Sometimes life requires that you simply put your head down, go to work, and just keep on keepin’ on. (So to speak.) It’s not necessarily that you’re on the wrong path, it’s just that the path is a little steep, a bit rocky, and we just need to keep moving and find our rhythm. That’s life.
It’s in our extremity that we find out what we’re made of, and when we become stronger. When we confront life’s obstacles we eventually tap hidden reserves of courage and resilience we did not know we had. And, it’s when we face failure that we recognize that we always possessed this extra strength. So, when the road seems long and the journey is tough, hang in there and tap into your second wind. Or, as one of my favorite singers said,
“Don’t give up on trying to do what you really want to do.
Where there is love and inspiration you can’t go wrong.”
The thing is, things change. Constantly. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes not. Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less cushy than the one you had before. Obstacles are developmentally necessary: they teach us strategy, patience, critical thinking, resilience and resourcefulness, and these only come from having been given the chance to work though difficult problems.
Sometimes the trick is maintaining a positive perspective despite our concerns and circumstances. When life is tough, I can’t help but recite a little poem I’ve known for years:
Two men look out through the same set of bars.
One sees the mud; the other, the stars.
The question is, what are we going to do about our situation today? We can despair and panic. We can hide under the covers and toss our fate to the wind. Or we can be resilient and face the challenges directly. We can realize that we have the power to not only survive, but to turn a frenzied condition into an opportunity to develop and achieve.
We must assess things as they really are, knowing the economy and the world are obviously evolving. So how are we to resiliently thrive through through the trying transitions of our lives? Here are some ideas:
First—Acknowledge the seasonality of the situation.
Every season has challenges and opportunities. Pick your phrase to get you through. “This too shall pass.” “The sun will come out tomorrow.” “What a difference a day makes.” Life is all about patterns, and while it’s darkest before dawn, the sun will rise tomorrow and a new day with new opportunities begins again. Look forward. It’ll all work out.
Second—Capitalize on pessimism.
At a time of great uncertainty, the late Sir John Templeton recognized the power of maximum pessimism. During the 1930’s, he dove into a new investment career, targeting nations, industries, and companies on their financial ropes—a time he coined as ‘points of maximum pessimism.’ In his own words, “Bull markets are born on pessimism, grow on skepticism, mature on optimism, and die on euphoria. The time of maximum pessimism is the best time to buy, and the time of maximum optimism is the best time to sell,” he stated. When things are down, move up. When life is hard, then is the opportunity to improve your situation. Step back from the frenzy, take a deep breath, and do what works, not what the crowd is doing. Just think, tomorrow’s fantastic success story starts today.
While facing uncertainty, we have a choice: fear or faith. Both are derived in our head and heart. Sure, the future is uncertain. But it is for everyone, and you can face it fearfully, or faithfully. Anthony Robbins says fear is “‘imagination undirected’ which devastates our emotions and oppresses our sense of well-being.” And faith is the opposite: ‘imagination directed’. We can flounder fearfully, moving towards nothing, or we can create a plan and move towards it with assurance, ready to accept whatever the outcome is.
Choosing faith and being resilient doesn’t mean the absence of fear, but it does mean that you control it. Controlling fear allows you to see possible advantages while others speak only bleakness. Another downside of fear is that you focus on yourself only. To truly succeed, even in a down cycle of life, you must have something or someone to serve outside yourself. You need to focus not only on what you can get, but what you can give. Interestingly, it’s when you give, particularly when it’s a sacrifice to do so, that it returns tenfold. The trick? Just begin.
Life has its seasons, and it’s ups and downs.
Again, be resilient and remember that seasons don’t last forever. Whether you’re up or you’re, just remember that all is well. But, when you’re down, take time to stop and internalize the lessons of today. They are plenty. And, when our skies are dark, look up and remember that it’s only now that we can study the stars and plan for tomorrow. The point is, confront the challenges you face today, and create solutions. They exist. Today’s the day to take the action that will bloom great success tomorrow.